No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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