i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
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guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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