I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
