Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
