I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
