so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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