Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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