I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
