apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
