JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
