I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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