I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
