dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
