Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.

Fav 35 3560 1077
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(785): View more from Kansas

First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.

Fav 13 6172 777
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(425): View more from Washington

I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.

Fav 4 1025 3871
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(740): View more from Ohio

his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis

Fav 5 1123 3217
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

Fav 16 3870 1174
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT

Fav 11 2007 803
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

Fav 4 1372 806
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(956): View more from Texas

He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".

Fav 1 774 445
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.

Fav 0 116 8
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