THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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