So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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