a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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