Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
