He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
