I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
She told me I should be a condom model.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
