cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have feelings that need drinking.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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