the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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