Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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