Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dicks are not precious.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
