it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
