haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
