I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
