Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
