I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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