You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
