my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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