Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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