I didn't shave. On purpose
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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