I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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