well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
