Can Purell be used as lube?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
