If i come over, it means nothing
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
