Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
