I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
