Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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