I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
