these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
