I cannot find my penis.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize