the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
