only if we run a train.
done.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
