I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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