woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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