Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
