I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize