She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize