he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
