Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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