Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
