Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
