We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize