well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
