He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
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