It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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