i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
