Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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