you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
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