I want you more than these girls want KFC
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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