Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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