I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
