who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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