when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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