please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Houston, we have a blender
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
