textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize