Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
